I’m not sure how much I’ll write about being pregnant, but
one or two big posts might be enough to capture the last few months and keep
all the fun memories in one place for me to visit every once in a while.
I was taking pregnancy tests monthly. Each negative was the
end of a disappointing month and I was completely worn down. Dinner with
friends often included tears, Facebook pregnancy announcements were a complete
disaster, and facing another round of fertility treatments left me exhausted.
But for some reason I was having an awesome month in April–
I was feeling hopeful, eating amazing and even found a new class at the gym
that I loved. Until the week before I was supposed to start, then I was a wreck
again. I was 100 percent sure I was 100
percent not pregnant.
It was a Monday and I had run out of pregnancy tests, I told
myself that I was NOT testing this month. My resolve lasted all of ten minutes
when I bought a package of fresh tests at Walgreens on my way home from the grocery
store. I completely berated myself the entire way home. Everything from “You’re going to ruin a
perfectly nice week” to “You’re not pregnant and a complete psycho.”
Nice, right?
When I got home, I didn’t even unload all the groceries, I
went straight to the bathroom and pulled out another test. I told myself this test wouldn’t count. It
was still four days before my missed period and there was no way the test could
read positive anyway.
But then the negative sign wasn’t a negative; it was a
positive sign – an actual plus sign. And
not a light positive, but a dark, unmistakable positive. I looked at the test,
I looked at my reflection in the mirror, I looked back at the test, I bopped
around the house, I lost the test, found it in my shoe closet. I drove to a
friend’s house and took another test. And then I just sat on her floor with my
two perfect plus signs.
I was pregnant, and not a little pregnant. But like actually
pregnant. And there was actual proof. There was even more proof when I bought
another box with a digital readout. Can you blame me?
I hope you are having a wonderful weekend! Happy Saturday!
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